absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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