when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
