the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
as a side note pls kill me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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