they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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