I'm jealous of your bromance
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
