a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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