Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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