hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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