I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
