He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
This toilet bowl is my home.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
