My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
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