I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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