its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
