it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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