I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
