Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
