i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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