wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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