I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
