She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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