I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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