Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
