Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So squirting runs in the family.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
