well you can't waste a boner
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
