so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
