Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
