thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
