If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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