OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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