If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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