I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
