I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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