the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I deserve this hangover.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
