someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
