K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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