Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
