Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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