how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
