the new term for farting is butt boxing.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
