she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Houston, we have a blender
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize