you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
