Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it hurts more in the daytime
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
