I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
