i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
