I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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