who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
