im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
