i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
