her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
