Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
