i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
