i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
