do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize