Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
