I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
