Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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