great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize