yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
