So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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