I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
