The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
