it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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