Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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