wanna go halves on a baby?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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