I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
