Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
