My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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