are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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