Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize