im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
