fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
