now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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