The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
