Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
