singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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