I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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