if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
