it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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