Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize