So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
