I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
