His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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