last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
