So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
