I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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