Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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