My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I think i got beer on your cat.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
