If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
