There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
