i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
