She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
