Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize