party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
