plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
