oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
