I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
