I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize