I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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