Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
