she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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