My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
