everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
