Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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