i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
