we have officially lost it.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
